Mario Excalibur style!
by ncsgirl
Summary: Um... It's a mario parody with some of my favourite characters in place of the real deal.
1. Casting Call

Hehehehehehehehehehe! I'm going to try my hand at a parody! Weeeeeeeeeeeee! Even my muses are going to help by acting in it!  
  
Brian: We're what?  
  
Karla: You're acting.  
  
Brian: No.  
  
Karla: I've got a couple of really good parts in this one!  
  
Brian: Really?  
  
Karla: Maybe.  
  
Kurt: *ambling along with that cigar* Maybe vhat?  
  
Karla: *through gritted teeth* Cigar. out. now.  
  
Kurt: *puts cigar out on a plant pot, which is unfortunatly plastic*  
  
Karla: Now you boys be good and you get good parts. Otherwise...  
  
Both: *Gulp*  
  
Karla: I had to bring in some extras but to make a long story short, we're parodying the basic plot of Mario.  
  
Kurt: And just who are these... extras?  
  
Karla: Wolverine and Meggan and the rest are a surprise.  
  
Kurt: You haven't figured the rest out have you?  
  
Karla: Not a clue.  
  
Kurt: I thought as much.  
  
Meggan: *comes skipping along with Wolverine trudging behind* Brian! *glomps him* Guesswhat?WegettobeinaparodyandIdon'tknowwhatthatisbutshesaysit'llbefunandisn'titgoingtobegreat?  
  
Brian: *gasping* Air... need... air...  
  
Karla: Meggan, he needs to breathe. Let go of him.  
  
Meggan: Oops. *lets go*  
  
Karla: Now for the casting. Meggan will play Princess Toadstool. Since that title is too long, we shall call her Peach.  
  
Meggan: Oh goody! I get to be a princess!! *jumps around happily*  
  
Karla: Brian, you will play Bowser simply because I don't like you and I've always thought that you don't deserve someone like Meggan.  
  
Brian: But-  
  
Karla: No buts or I'll cast you as a Pirhana flower. *he shuts up* Mario and Luigi will be played by Wolverine and Kurt.  
  
Logan: Shouldn't the elf be playin' Luigi?  
  
Karla: Well... probably, but I'd like to see you as someone's sidekick for once, so Kurt get's to be Mario. *whispers* Besides, he has to use his tail to fly with.  
  
Logan: How- I don't want ta know kid.  
  
Karla: Okay, get into your costumes people. *throws Kurt the Mario costume*  
  
Kurt: What are the pillows for?  
  
Karla: They're there because you're to skinny to play Mario. *throws the Luigi costume at Logan. The stilts hit him in the head*  
  
Logan: Ow! What are the stilts for kid?  
  
Karla: You need to be taller.  
  
Logan: I ain't wearin' a flamin' pair o'stilts.  
  
Karla: Would you rather play Peach? *he hurriedly puts the stilts on. Karla turns to give Meggan the Peach costume only to find her already shapeshifted into it*  
  
Meggan: I thought it would save time.  
  
Karla: Do you want to stay as a muse? *Brian perks up*  
  
Meggan: Yay!!!  
  
Brian: Don't I get a costume?  
  
Karla: Not yet. I'm waiting until they get in they're places.  
  
Brian: Why. *eyes narrowed* What did you do?  
  
Karla: Nothing! I'm and angel!  
  
Brian: With horns and a tail I'll bet.  
  
Karla: Where's Kurt to hear you say that...  
  
Brian: Shut up.  
  
So I have a new muse! next chapter will be funnier. I promise. This was just casting and I can't have much fun with that. 


	2. Warning: Costumes are flammable

Neep! I'm here to annoy! Oracles Maiden has a really cool story going. I read it. Go read Retribution X by Anything but Ordinary3 because it's the coolest.  
  
*Meggan is out watching the butterflies and talking to the flowers*  
  
Meggan: Lala lala la.  
  
Brian: *Waddles in menacingly (I guess he hasn't figured out how to walk as Bowser yet)* Grr!  
  
Meggan: Oh hello mister big spikey turtle. How are you?  
  
Karla: Um, you're supposed to act scared Meg.  
  
Meggan: Oops. Ahem. Ah! It's a scary spikey turtle! *pauses* Better? *Karla nods*  
  
Brian: You're coming with me Peach! *picks her up. She catches sight of inside the costume and wiggles free*  
  
Meggan: *looking inside* Brian? Oh my god! Brian the big spikey turtle ate you! I'll get you out! *sets the 'big spikey turtle' (Brian in the Bowser costume) on fire and it burns to ashes*  
  
Karla: *Blinks a lot and then blinks some more*  
  
Meggan: *hugs Brian and sighs*  
  
Brian: Now what do we do?  
  
Karla: Never fear! I have and idea!  
  
Brian: God help us.  
  
*A little while later with the cast assembled*  
  
Karla: I need to do some recasting. Bowser needs to be played by someone else. Either Logan or Meggan.  
  
Kurt: Why one of them?  
  
Karla: Logan scares me and Meggan can shape shift.  
  
Kurt: Good point.  
  
Meggan: I don't want to be the big spikey turtle that ate Brian.  
  
Karla: Okay, Logan, you're Bowser. *uses her author magic to turn his hair green*  
  
Logan: What'd you do to my side burns?!  
  
Brian: And why can't you use author magic on the suit?!  
  
Karla: Turned them green and because I don't like you.  
  
Meggan: Do I still get to be a princess?  
  
Karla: Well, no. You torched my coolest costume. Princess Toadstool will be played by either Kurt or Brian.  
  
Brian: Him! He's a better cross-dresser!  
  
All: O_O  
  
Brian: What?  
  
Meggan: Well, there was that time in the 'Wild East' when you wore that dress and-  
  
Kurt: I think we'll stop right there Meggan.  
  
Karla: I was already planning on making Brian Peach anyway.  
  
Brian: What?!  
  
Karla: Which makes Meggan Mario and Kurt Luigi. There. That's fixed. Places people or I'll be forced to get Lloyd.  
  
*After they've gotten to their places. Brian (who is supposed to be watching the butterflies and picking flowers) is downing a bottle of Crown Royal and with several empty bottles of Jack Daniels by his side*  
  
Brian: *hic*  
  
Logan: *looks all menacing* Grr!  
  
Brian: I'm not as *hic* think as you *hic* drunk I am Officer!  
  
Logan: *valiantly sticking to the script and grimacing* you're coming with me Peach!  
  
Brian: Oh no! You can't take me in if I can walk on that spinning patch of ground over there! *Passes out*  
  
Logan: You really want me to do this?  
  
Karla: Yes.  
  
Logan: *carries Brian off like a pair of week old underwear*  
  
A/N: Hey that ryhmed!  
  
Karla: Shut up author's note!  
  
A/N: ...  
  
Neep! Okay, I had to do some casting work, but it's fixed. Brian is now playing Peach! 


	3. Casting is finally done!

Wahahahahahahahahahaha! I found the good parts of Excalibur!  
  
Pete: You mean us?  
  
Karla: Cigarette. Out. Now.  
  
Lockheed: *burns it to cinders and melts Pete's lighter* Cooo!  
  
Kitty: Aww! He likes you Pete!  
  
Rachel: Um... Kitty, I don't think-  
  
Allistaire: Rachel! I knew I'd find you eventually!  
  
Rachel: Keep away! I have an author and I'm not afraid to use her!  
  
Karla: Okay... You guys get to be in this too, since I needed more characters. Pete, you'll be playing several of the bosses, largely because most of them blow smoke rings and that's all you seem to be capable of.  
  
Pete: Oi! That's not all I can do!  
  
Kitty: Ya. He can-  
  
Karla: I don't want to know. Kitty, you're playing various flying green turtles. Rachel, you get to play the ones with the redish brown backs.  
  
Rachel: How are we going to be the size of turtles?  
  
Karla: You're an avatar of a cosmic force. You figure it out. Lockheed will be Toad and Allistaire will work the rolling thingie at the end of the stage.  
  
Pete: *reading the script* The third snapper's a girl!  
  
Karla: I'm playing the third boss. Now to your places!  
  
*Later on. The casting is done!*  
  
Meggan: *looking down a pipe* I wonder what's down here? *Falls in* Oops. Hello mister pirhana flower thing.  
  
Pirahna flower: Grr!  
  
Meggan: Are you feeling alright?  
  
Kurt: Meggan, I don't think that flower is very nice.  
  
Meggan: Of course it is! All flowers are nice.  
  
Kurt: It has teeth. And it's spitting fire.  
  
Meggan: It's pretty!  
  
Kurt: *looks skyward praying in German*  
  
Meggan: He's nice! I'll show you! *pats it. Shrinks* Hey! Why am I small?  
  
Kurt: Because you touched it.  
  
Meggan: Oh. *jumps over it*  
  
Kurt: *mutters* This is going to be a long day.  
  
*The end of the stage, behind the black wall that the slots are on*  
  
Allistaire: So how does this work?  
  
Karla: Just spin the crank here, and make the pictures go around.  
  
Allistaire: That's it? Why am I doing this?  
  
Karla: Because that way you can work on the flying ships we'll need to use for the boss fights.  
  
Allistaire: You want me to build a flying ship?!  
  
Karla: Ships. As in more than one. Anyway-  
  
Allistaire: More than one?! Why didn't you have any?!  
  
Karla: Well, Aeris said that none of the various Cids would loan me one so...  
  
Allistaire: Coffee. I'm going to need a lot of coffee.  
  
*in front of the black wall*  
  
Meggan: Why aren't the pictures moving? *they start spinning*  
  
Kurt: What do we do with them?  
  
Meggan: I'm not touching it!  
  
Kurt: Fine. *jumps up to touch it. It's a star*  
  
Meggan: You're not small?  
  
Kurt: Guess not. Wonder what this is for?  
  
Meggan: Maybe it'll self destruct.  
  
Kurt: I hope not. Oh well. I'm keeping it.  
  
Neep! I guess it's Super Mario Bros. Three. I'm sorry the casting took so long. I was tired and I wanted to see Brian in a dress. 


	4. Wohoo! First air ship!

Neep! I'm back with more to my Mario Parody. No I don't know where this is going. It belongs in the senseless random humour slot, but there isn't one so we have to settle for humour/parody.  
  
*in the castle at the end of the first world*  
  
A/N: Sylvester is my cat. He likes to look up my dress on the odd occasion that I wear one. He is going to alternate with my other cat Stripes and my passed on gerbil Black Arachneia in the roles of the kings (queen in my gerbil's case :)  
  
Lockheed: Pfui! Pfui!  
  
Meggan: Aw! You're such a sweetie!  
  
Kurt: Meggan, I think we have to change him back.  
  
Sylvester: *purrs because Meggan is paying attention to him*  
  
Meggan: I think he likes being a cat.  
  
Kurt: Meggan, you get a magic wand for doing this.  
  
Meggan: Really? Okay! *goes outside where the ship is taking off*  
  
Kurt: Meggan, the anchor!  
  
Meggan: There isn't one.  
  
Allistaire: *snaps* I knew I forgot something.  
  
Karla: Allistarire! Now what will they do?  
  
Kurt: Meggan, fly us up there.  
  
Meggan: Okay! *picks him up and flies onto the ship*  
  
Kurt: You can put me down Meggan.  
  
Meggan: Oh no. I'm not getting shrunk again. *holds him up in front of her like a human sheild*  
  
Kurt: Meggan? Please? *gets hit with a cannonball and shrinks* Meggan! I've shrunk!  
  
Meggan: Serves you right. *wrinkles her nose* You should have warned me about the scary plant.  
  
Kurt: Are you going to put me down now?  
  
Meggan: Sure. *drops him*  
  
Kurt: *mutters in German*  
  
*they make it to the end of the ship (somehow. I'm not even detailing that, or how many tries it took. We'd be here for days)*  
  
Meggan: *sees the pipe* You look down that one! I don't even want to know!  
  
Kurt: Fine. You can stay out here then, but I think the wand miht be down there...  
  
Meggan: Really?! Is it really?!  
  
Kurt: I think so.  
  
Meggan: I want the magic sparkly thing! *pushes him off the side of the ship (He's saved by author magic) then goes down the pipe*  
  
Pete (as the first boss): *blows smoke rings at her*  
  
Meggan: No! Not another spikey turtle! *shoots fire at him and burns the costume to cinders*  
  
Pete: *in nothing but green boxers with yellow daisies on them* Oi! Meg!  
  
Meggan: Pete! That turtle ate you!  
  
Pete: *sighs* Here's the magic wand.  
  
Meggan: *tackles him* Shiny!  
  
*back in the castle*  
  
Allistaire (who will be playing the bit parts): Thank you for saving me. Here is a letter from the Princess.  
  
Meggan: Yay! *reads the letter which is covered in beer stains* What's this?  
  
Kurt: A wing.  
  
Meggan: Really? Is it a chicken wing? I like chicken.  
  
Kurt: I think it's for flying with.  
  
Meggan: Really? You can keep it. I don't need it.  
  
Okay, that was a bit odd. I have fun being insane. I told you, this is very random. Anyway, I will as always promote my favourite authors, Anything but Ordinary3 and Oracles Maiden. Go read their fics! 


	5. Final chapter!

I'm back! *gasp* It's the final chapter of the Mario parody!  
  
Allistaire: What do you mean final? There are six more air ships!  
  
Karla: Well, I've been thinking and there are only so many things you can do and so many times they're funny, so we've hit the final world.  
  
Allistaire: *twitches and begins to cackle madly*  
  
Karla: *backs away slowly*  
  
*outside*  
  
Kurt: It's been awhile.  
  
Karla: I had those other stories.  
  
Kurt: Nein. I had those other stories.  
  
Karla: Dragoon stories.  
  
Brian: Dumb game. *turns into a Moggle*  
  
Jamie: That's the last time you insult one of my games.  
  
Karla: That's very noble of you, but turn him back.  
  
Jamie: Really?  
  
Karla: He's wearing a dress.  
  
Jamie: Well...  
  
Karla: A pink dress.  
  
Jamie: That is more torturing than this. *changes him back*  
  
Brian: *begins drinking again (as if he stopped at some point)*  
  
Karla: Logan, Brian, to your places.  
  
Logan: *carries the now very drunken Brian ahead of him*  
  
Meggan: *bouncing up and down* Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's almost over!  
  
Kurt: *looking up* Danke Gott.  
  
Karla: Your welcome, now the final levels are weird. Jamie? *terrain shifts to a plain* You'll be going over tanks today.  
  
Meggan: I'm flying.  
  
Kurt: And you'll carry me right?  
  
Meggan: No. You're mean. You didn't warn me about the plant. *flies*  
  
Kurt: Chicken wing time. *tail begins turning like a rotor* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
*at the end of the tanks (which went quite smoothly actually)*  
  
Meggan: Is there a magic wand down there?  
  
Kurt: I don't know.  
  
Meggan: *'gently' shoves him in*  
  
Kurt: *returns triumphantly with a star*  
  
Meggan: *tackles him* Shiny!  
  
*with the ships*  
  
Karla: Okay, all you do is swim under them. Unfortunately you have to make it a cross the first one. Go to.  
  
Meggan: *picks Kurt up*  
  
Kurt: Meggan, please, put me down.  
  
Meggan: No. I don't want to shrink!  
  
Kurt: Please?  
  
Meggan: Fine. *tosses him foward into the water*  
  
Kurt: I can't- blub- swim!  
  
Meggan: Yes you can!  
  
Kurt: *swims under the ships*  
  
Meggan: *gets shrunk more times than I'd like to count and has to start over*  
  
*finally on the last ship*  
  
Meggan: *looking down the pipe* Is there a star down there too?  
  
Kurt: Why not go down and find out?  
  
Meggan: I don't want to!  
  
Kurt: Fine, I'll go.  
  
Meggan: *pushes him aside and jumps in*  
  
*inside*  
  
Meggan: Another spiky turtle?! *burns it to cinders*  
  
Pete: Meg... it's a costume.  
  
Meggan: But it isn't Halloween. Why would yoou wear a costume if it's not halloween?  
  
Pete: *mutters* Spandex types...  
  
Meggan: Where's my star?  
  
Pete: You get a question mark bobble thing.  
  
Meggan: I want a star! *stomps and begins to transform*  
  
Pete: Fine! *throws both the star and the question mark bobble thing at her*  
  
*the boss battle (because I enjoy skipping things)*  
  
Wolverine: Grr!  
  
Meggan: *hides behind Kurt using him as a shield*  
  
Kurt: Meggan? Please put me down?  
  
Meggan: No.  
  
Wolverine: Grr! *jumps, because that's what Bowser does and nearly lands on them but breaks the blocks instead*  
  
Meggan: I'm scared!  
  
Kurt: *sighs* Go find Bri- Princess Toadstool while I defeat him.  
  
Meggan: *goes up to the door and pulls* It won't open!  
  
Kurt: *is busy trying to defeat 'Bowser'*  
  
Wolverine: *falls through the floor*  
  
Kurt: *goes to help Meggan*  
  
Meggan: *pulling on the door*  
  
Kurt: *gently pushes the door, which opens*  
  
Brian: *still in that dress* Meggan?  
  
Meggan: Brian! *glomps him*  
  
Karla: Awwww! It's twistedly happy! *closes the door and locks it*  
  
*with the terrain put back and everything as it should be (except the room)*  
  
Kurt: One thing is bothering me... why was Meggan so out of character?  
  
Karla: That's because we had Mystique play Meggan instead. Meggan just really wanted to be the princess and wouldn't play any other part.  
  
Kurt: So... who did you lock in with Brian?  
  
Karla: Um...  
  
Kurt: o_O You don't know do you?  
  
Karla: Um... Gottagobye! *skeedaddles*  
  
Okay... that was fun. This is the end! *sighs* Finally! 


End file.
